In my defense, I didn’t think leaving my keys in the ignition while parked in the middle of nowhere would’ve been that bad of an idea. I mean, if no one’s around . . .
I don’t even know why I’m talking about this. I know I was right. Right?
Look, I realize my decisions look bad. I sensed it in Rachel’s mannerisms, the way she glared at me when I insisted on leaving the keys in the ignition. But I wanted to shave a few extra seconds off the clock, reduce the time we had to spend together by any means necessary. I wasn’t wrong. I’m sure of that.
Even if someone did come along and steal the whole shebang.
I know my decision looks foolish.
Okay, the more I think about it, the more I realize all of this did fall entirely on my shoulders. Blame placed. Fair enough. I don’t like her anymore, and I paraded that feeling. But tracing my reasons back to their origin brought everything full circle into my lap. I don’t like her because she cries too much. She cries too much because I don’t want an attachment to her. I don’t want an attachment because . . . well because . . . um . . .
Okay, truthfully I don’t know the answer to that last one. She stuck with me—even when Jet Skis weren’t part of the agenda. She used to console me when my days were bad—even when she didn’t believe her own words. She took bottles of alcohol out of my hand to keep me straight—even when her eyes lusted after the drink herself. Rachel did all that . . . and I didn’t want her to.
Truth: I didn’t trust her. She was too interested in me—cared too much. She’d actually massage the tension out of my shoulders when I was stiff. She’d actually kiss me on the cheek when I had a bad hair day. She’d actually say positive things about me when I’d fall flat on my face. And she’d actually say that seriously twisted word called love to me whenever I felt like a reject. I didn’t trust her at all. Who the hell treats anyone with respect anymore?
And now my SUV is gone. And now my Jet Ski is gone. And, for crying out loud, now Rachel’s Jet Ski is gone. All because I didn’t trust her.
It’s almost laughable.